Friday, February 26, 2010
Cop Chase
There is an man that Reached his mid life crisis, and he decides to go out and buy a brand new mustang, he is at the dealership and asks to take the mustang on a test drive, he feels so young in the mustang, so he decides to speed up, and before he knows it he is going 90 MPH, and then a cop is behind him, he looks at the cop and thinks, "Wow i feel so young" and decides to speed up again, to 100 mph, then again to 120 mph, finally after 30 minutes into the chase, he decides to slow down and take what is coming to him.
Police: why on earth were you going so fast?
Old Man: I don't know I just had a bad day mid life crisis issues.
Police man: I tell you what, if you can tell me one excuse I have never heared
in all the years on the force I will let you go with nothing more then a warning.
Old Man: ~Thinks for a second, until he figures out what to say~
Old Man: Well my wife left me last night for a police officer, and I thought you were trying to return her.
Police: Have a nice day
Police: why on earth were you going so fast?
Old Man: I don't know I just had a bad day mid life crisis issues.
Police man: I tell you what, if you can tell me one excuse I have never heared
in all the years on the force I will let you go with nothing more then a warning.
Old Man: ~Thinks for a second, until he figures out what to say~
Old Man: Well my wife left me last night for a police officer, and I thought you were trying to return her.
Police: Have a nice day
Thursday, February 25, 2010
Tuesday, February 23, 2010
Technological Doctor
One day, a man complained to his friend, "My elbow really hurts, guess I should see a doctor."
His friend said, "Don't do that. There's a computer at the drug store that can diagnose anything quicker and cheaper than a doctor. Simply put in a sample of your urine, and the computer will diagnose your problem and tell you what you can do about it. And it only costs $10.00."
The guy figured he had nothing to lose, so he filled a jar with a urine sample and went to the drug store. Finding the computer, he poured in the sample and deposited the $10.00. The computer started making some noise andvarious lights started flashing. After a brief pause, out popped a small slip of paper which read:
You have tennis elbow.
Soak your arm in warm water, avoid heavy labor.
It will be better in two weeks.
That evening while thinking how amazing this new technology was and how it would change medical science forever, he began to wonder if this computer could be fooled.
He decided to give it a try. He mixed together some tap water, a stool sample from his dog, and urine samples from his wife and daughter. To top it off, he masturbated into the concoction. He went back to the drug store, located the computer, poured in thisample and deposited the $10.00. The machine again made the usual noises,flashedlights, and printed out the following analysis:
Your tap water is too hard. Get a water softener.
Your dog has ringworm. Bathe him with anti-fungal shampoo.
Your daughter is using cocaine. Put her in a rehabilitation clinic.
Your wife is pregnant....twin girls. They aren't yours. Get a lawyer.
And.... if you don't stop jerking off, your elbow will never get better!
His friend said, "Don't do that. There's a computer at the drug store that can diagnose anything quicker and cheaper than a doctor. Simply put in a sample of your urine, and the computer will diagnose your problem and tell you what you can do about it. And it only costs $10.00."
The guy figured he had nothing to lose, so he filled a jar with a urine sample and went to the drug store. Finding the computer, he poured in the sample and deposited the $10.00. The computer started making some noise andvarious lights started flashing. After a brief pause, out popped a small slip of paper which read:
You have tennis elbow.
Soak your arm in warm water, avoid heavy labor.
It will be better in two weeks.
That evening while thinking how amazing this new technology was and how it would change medical science forever, he began to wonder if this computer could be fooled.
He decided to give it a try. He mixed together some tap water, a stool sample from his dog, and urine samples from his wife and daughter. To top it off, he masturbated into the concoction. He went back to the drug store, located the computer, poured in thisample and deposited the $10.00. The machine again made the usual noises,flashedlights, and printed out the following analysis:
Your tap water is too hard. Get a water softener.
Your dog has ringworm. Bathe him with anti-fungal shampoo.
Your daughter is using cocaine. Put her in a rehabilitation clinic.
Your wife is pregnant....twin girls. They aren't yours. Get a lawyer.
And.... if you don't stop jerking off, your elbow will never get better!
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